well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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