What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
