Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
