you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
