Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
