Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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