I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
