I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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