Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
