She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
