in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize