Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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