He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
