after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
