My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
