go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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