Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
