I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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