it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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