I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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