anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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