i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
