it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
