There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
