he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
