btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I deserve this hangover.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
