I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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