That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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