Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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