let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
