I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
