I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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