Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
