Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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