Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
