You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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