he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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