pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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