This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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