we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Actions speak louder than pants.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
