Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
