1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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