you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
