sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
