Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
