My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
