I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
