I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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