I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
