Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
