how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize