my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
