Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
