i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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