In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
