p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
