I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
