Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
