tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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