We won't sleep together?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
