College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
