We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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