I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
