Just cropdusted the office
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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