Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
