I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
