Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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